Grief
by mamaXunicorn
Summary: After losing Neal to the portal, Emma and Rumplestiltskin find solace with each other.


Emma thought telling Henry was going to be hard but as she stood in front of Mr. Gold's shop, her hand frozen on the doorknob she realized telling him was going to be so much harder.

Henry had just found his father but up until those few weeks ago he thought his father was dead. Mr. Gold had been searching for his son for hundreds of years and not too much later after he found him he dies. There was still so much tension between the two men, so much unfinished business and now it'd never get resolved.

She was still dealing with her own pain from losing Neal and adding Henry's on top of that nearly killed her. She didn't know how she was supposed to tell the most powerful man in town that his son was dead.

Her parents had offered to do it for her, more speficially her father but she decided she had to the one to do it. She had been there to find him and she was the one who let him go over that portal. And Emma Swan was not one to have her daddy do her dirty work for her.

Inhaling deeply and trying to find her nerve, she pushed open the door, the little bell jingling above her head. She cleared her throat and called out, "Gold?" She took a few steps in. "You in here?"

She heard movement in the back and soon both Gold and Lacey stepped out of the back room.

Rumplestiltskin approached the counter with a smug little smirk, the same kind she had seen on him the first few months in Storybrooke. "Miss Swan." He drawled and a chill ran up her spine. He was his confident, smug self and he had no idea the blow he was about to receive. "What can I do you for?"

Emma swallowed thickly and hesitantly approached the counter, stealing a glance over to Lacey who was standing behind Rumplestiltskin, eyeing her.

Turning a serious look back at Rumple, she let out a breath and continued quietly. "Can I talk to you in private?"

His smirk only widened and he motioned behind him. "Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Lacey."

Emma clenched her jaw keeping a steady eye on him. "It's about your son."

His face faltered only slightly before the smirk was back in place. "What about him? Tell you about our argument, did he? Well, Miss Swan you can tell my boy if he'd like to speak to me he should do it himself and not…send…" He trailed off as Emma's serious gaze continued to stare directly at him and he noticed the sudden glossiness of her eyes and the slight quiver in her jaw.

His brow pressed together, his lips parting slightly, not knowing what to make of Emma's stare but knowing there was something terribly wrong.

Slowly he turned back to Lacey, extending his hand out to gently touch her arm. "Why don't you wait for me back at the house, dearie? I've got to talk to Miss Swan alone."

Lacey narrowed her eyes suspiciously but then she shrugged lightly. "Alright." She shot him a wink and squeezed his arm as she passed and then sauntered out the door.

Once Lacey was gone it was like a visible weight had been lifted off Rumplestiltskin's shoulders and he deflated. He looked back over to Emma and waved her forward and she followed him into the back room.

Another wave of emotions washed over her as she walked in. She never imagined the back of Gold's shop would remind her so much of Neal. But it was here that she began to realize that there was so much more to Neal than she ever knew, that he was just as damaged, if not more damaged than she was. It was here that Neal stepped in front of her branded with a sword to protect her and his father from Cora. Everywhere she went she could feel his ghost.

She inhaled sharply trying to push back the emotions but the noise caught Rumplestiltskin's attention and he stared back at her in concern.

Emma shook her head slightly, swallowing past the lump in her throat and walked over to him. "You may want to sit down."

His brow twitched but his grip on his cane tightened. "I am just fine standing."

"Alright." She whispered with a shrug not willing to argue with him. Then she closed her eyes for a moment, letting out a breath and shaking her head, willing the courage to tell him.

"Emma." She almost cringed as her first name left his lips. There were only a few times when he called her by her first name and it was only when he meant business. "Did something happen to Baelfire?"

Emma finally opened her eyes and looked up at him, nodding her head.

His eyes widened slightly with panic. "What? What happened? Where is he?"

Emma bit her lip for a moment and finally spoke, brokenly. "He's gone."

A sharp gasp rippled through him and his hands shook against his cane. "What do you mean he's gone?"

Emma shook her head, bravely keeping eye contact with him. "It was Tamara."

"His fiance?" The words practically left his lips in a hiss and she could see the anger beginning to bubble up in him. "What did she do? Where's my son?"

Emma closed her eyes, wincing as that bright green light flashed behind her eyelids.

_"I'm not letting go of you."_

_"You have to." _

__She sucked in a breath before finally speaking. "Tamara she…she had a bean and she opened a portal." She braved a look up to Rumplestiltskin and she could see the realization dawning in his eyes. "I tried to hold on…" Her voice broke despite her best efforts to keep it steady. "But he fell through."

His cane scraped against the floor as he momentarily lost his balance and Emma was almost tempted to reach out and steady him but he caught himself. He stared at the ground, his eyes wide, his breathing getting labored. "He fell through…" He echoed, his voice distant.

Emma's lip quivered and she dreaded telling him the rest but she knew she had to. "Gold, I'm so sorry…but…he was hurt."

Rumplestiltskin slowly looked up at her and Emma knew there was nothing more terrifying than the look on his face in that moment.

Pushing back the tears that stung at her eyes she finished, "He was shot…Tamara she…she shot him and then he fell through the portal." She shook her head, sniffling quietly. "There's no way he could have survived."

She held her breath watching the man in front of her cautiously waiting to see what he'd do knowing he had a tendency to lash out when he was upset. But more and more seconds passed and he just stood there frozen, his eyes slightly wide, his jaw clenched together tightly.

After a minute she took a step forward, hesitantly reaching out for him. "Gold?"

Before she could touch him, a small gasp escaped his lips and he cringed away from her. "He's dead…" His voice escaped him brokenly. His cane started to slip under his weight and before he could stumble over, Emma quickly grabbed a hold of his arm.

When he didn't protest she quietly led him over to the couch and sat him down, keeping a watchful eye on him as she sat down beside him.

She knew he had to be in shock, those terrible few minutes that Henry was dead were the worst few minutes of her life. She knew they had their issues and Gold didn't exactly know how to show it but there was no doubt he loved his son.

She wished she knew what to do or even what to say. He hardly seemed like the hugging type and the longer she stared him, staring helplessly at the floor, the more she felt at loss for words.

"If it helps…" Emma began quietly a few moments later. "He died a hero." Her bottom lip quivered for a second before she bit down on it softly. "He sacrificed himself for Henry."

Rumplestiltskin closed his eyes tightly for a long moment and when he reopened them he looked off to the far wall, a small, sad smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. "He always was the bigger man." He voiced quietly and Emma felt her throat tighten at the pure adoration in his voice. He scoffed quietly, shaking his head. "My brave Baelfire…"

He slowly turned his head to look at her and she tensed, expecting him to snap at any moment, even start to blame her but as his eyes met hers there was nothing but sadness in his eyes.

"He let go." He said so lowly she barely even heard it. Then she nodded and tried to explain, "I tried to hold on to him but it was pulling us both in and he didn't want Henry to lose both of us…I'm sorry I…"

He stopped her by just raising his hand silently and she just closed her mouth and watched him quietly.

"Emma." All the confidence and roughness that made him the ruthless Dark One was gone from his voice. It was almost more terrifying to see him like this - so broken and empty.

She always sort of wondered what it would take to break such a man and she finally found it - the chink in his armor but she never imagined that it'd be so painful to watch him crumble.

"Do you know how Baelfire and I were separated?"

Emma bit her lip and shook her head. "All he told me was that…" She paused, actually feeling guilty about having to bring the man more painful reminders of his failed relationship with his son. "…that you abandoned him." She finished softly.

He scoffed bitterly. "I did…I did abandon him." He swallowed thickly and shook his head slowly. "After I became the Dark One…Bae started to resent me, he didn't like what I had become and wanted his father back. But as you know…the only way to get rid of the Dark One is to kill the Dark One. So he proposed a deal, if he could find another way to get rid of the Dark One without it killing me I would do it. I accepted…and…" He closed his eyes, a grimace crossing his features. "It was the only deal I ever broke."

Emma pressed her lips together now understanding exactly why he was so adamant about keeping his deals. "What happened?" She asked quietly.

He was silent for a few moments, his eyes still closed as he got lost in the memories. Finally he reopened his eyes and looked back at Emma, smiling weakly.

"Very much like your boy, Bae was very clever and very stubborn. He refused to give up in finding a way and eventually, he found one." He clenched his jaw and any trace of a smile wiped clear off his face. "The Blue Fairy gave him a magic bean."

Emma inhaled sharply, her eyes widening, realizing exactly where this story was headed. "Oh God…"

"A magic bean that would take us to a world without magic and without magic there could be no Dark One. On that night when we were going to leave, he used the bean and it opened a portal…"

Emma slipped her hand over her mouth, already feeling the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes.

Rumplestiltskin turned away from her and looked at the ground, shaking his head shamefully. "We were supposed to go together…I promised him…I made him a deal but as he hung over that portal…I couldn't do it. I could not give up that magic. People call me a coward…they are right." He pressed his lips together to keep his jaw from quivering. "I let him go." His fingers stretched out into the empty space below him as if to reach for a phantom Bae. "I let his hand go and he fell through that portal…alone."

Emma could feel her heart breaking all over again as her thoughts drifted to Neal and that portal. He looked scared but she never realized how terrified he must have been to be hanging over that portal once again. The tears she had been so desperately trying to suppress were fighting their way to the surface. His sacrifice was even more honorable than she thought…to not only throw yourself into a portal to protect your son but facing your greatest fear to do so…

She remembered how he rescued her from hanging over the portal with a bullet in his side….now that meant so much more than it ever had before.

She blinked rapidly, pushing away the tears, not daring to cry in front of Rumplestiltskin. She took a deep shuddering breath as she pulled her hand away from her mouth to rest on her lap and looked back over to Rumplestiltskin.

He looked up from the ground to the far wall again and she swore she could see his eyes glistening and that only brought the tears back to her eyes.

"It's not your fault, Emma." He said finally, still refusing to look at her. "And I know exactly how you feel…to feel his hand slip away from yours…to watch him fall into that portal and disappear from your sight…landing in a world where you have no idea where is."

_Not knowing if he's going to survive. _

Emma clenched her jaw tightly, fighting back the tears desperately.

"Only…you held onto him…while I let him go." He let out a scoff which Emma was almost convinced was really a disguised sob and closed his eyes, slowly shaking his head. "I'm such a stupid man. I finally had him…and I just let him slip through my fingers once again. And now he's gone…oh, Bae…"

And just like that the final wall that Rumplestiltskin had built around himself, the facade that he was some ruthless killer, crumbled and the Dark One disappeared to reveal the man, the father, underneath who had just lost his only son.

Emma didn't know what to do as she watched him, the man who had all of Storybrooke quaking in their boots just at entering the room, just fall apart.

The tears she had been so desperate to hold back finally escaped and rolled helplessly down her cheeks. As much as she knew Neal was not surviving that fall it didn't seem final until his father accepted the truth and now that he had…

The truth finally hit her as well. Neal was gone. He was gone and he was never going to come back. When he left her eleven years ago she at least knew he was out there and might one day return to her and when he finally had…he was gone before they could even start to piece back together their relationship. And this time it was for good.

He didn't get the chance to patch things up with his father. He didn't get the chance to really get to know his son. And only a few minutes after he finds out his fiance is playing him he gets sucked through a portal.

_I love you too._

The last words spoken to her were the only words she had been longing to hear for the last eleven years. They kept circling and replaying in her head over and over again.

She never imagined that Rumplestiltskin would be there to share in her grief. He had lost his son the same way she had lost Neal…and he had lost him twice the same way.

The man beside her was broken but controlled. He stared at the ground, tears glistening in his eyes but never falling, and his shoulders shook only slightly.

She wan't sure how to comfort him or even if she should. They were both grieving and Emma imagined, like her, he was used to grieving alone.

But also like her, just because she was used to grieving alone didn't mean that she had to. She had never felt more loved then she had when her father took her wordlessly into his arm and just held her as she dealt with the pain of losing Neal.

And whether she liked it or not, despite the fact that Neal was gone, Rumplestiltskin was still part of her family as Henry's grandfather. And if it was one thing she learned since the curse broke it was that family always protects family.

Hesitantly and slowly, Emma reached out her hand toward him, unsure of where to place it. Then finally she lowered her hand onto his back and he immediately stilled against her touch.

Slowly he lifted his head and looked over to her, a strange look in his eyes and she gave him a weak, sad smile. His brow pressed together as he eyed her for a moment and then returned to look at the ground but didn't move away from her touch.

After another few minutes of an awkward silence, he slowly reached out and placed his hand on her knee.

That was the most comfort the two were willing to give each other but it was all they needed.

They both lost someone they loved dearly and they grieved in silence. Occasionally tears would spring to their eyes as they got lost in their own thoughts and memories of the same man at different points in his life.

After a little while, after they both had calmed down, Emma slipped her hand back to her lap and he did the same.

Swallowing softly, Emma eventually turned to look at him. "Can you…tell me about him? Bae? What he was like as a kid?"

Rumplestiltskin looked back at her in silence for a long moment and then a hint of a smile twitched at his lips as he sat back against the couch.

They weren't sure how long they were sitting there, swapping stories, him about young Baelfire and she about Neal during their thieving days. They even got a chuckle out of each other every now and again.

"You really did love him, didn't you, Emma?" He asked after a particular story that had Emma's eyes practically shining.

Knowing there was no use denying it anymore, Emma nodded, a small smile on her lips. "Yeah…I did."

"Did he know that?"

She swallowed, their last words running through her head. "He did."

"Then…I think he went happily."

Tears once again sprung to her eyes and she clenched her jaw and he gave her a meaningful look, his hand reaching over to cover hers. "Thank you for taking care of him…for making him happy…for loving him."

Emma nodded, sniffling quietly. "He made me happy too. The happiest I've ever been in my life. He gave me hope, he gave me love, he gave me a family."

Rumplestiltskin gave her hand a light squeeze and then slowly rose to his feet. Emma watched him curiously as he walked over to the other side of the room and pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses.

He walked back over and set the glasses down on the table near by and poured them half full. Emma let out a breath and stood up, walking the few steps over to the table and taking one glass into her hand.

A sad smile twitched at his lips as he raised his glass in the air and she did the same.

"To Baelfire. My beautiful boy who grew up to be a brave man."

"To Neal." Emma added, her voice shaking. "The best man I ever knew, the man who taught me how to love, and even though he didn't know him that long, a wonderful father to Henry."

Rumplestiltskin let out a short sigh and pressing his lips together tightly, raised his glass toward Emma. Emma clinked her glass against his and then they both took a drink, remembering the man they so truly loved and so tragically lost.


End file.
